100 Days Of Behavioral Activation for Depression (Round 1)

Main Commitment: I will decide to do/not to do things based on behavioral activation for depression.

Start Date: 2017-12-12

The goal is to be in control.

The challenge is very personal and very important for me.

I asked several therapists before about whether I had depression or not and none of them gave me a direct answer.

Finally, a therapist who uses CBT told me that I had depression and my symptom was typical. I felt relieved and can focus on how to treat depression. When I did not get confirmed the answer, I felt frustrated and did not know the goal of the therapy and the criteria for recovery.

The method was taught by the CBT therapist. The goal is to be in control. Before I decide to do/do not do things, I will ask myself whether they will increase depression after doing them. If they decrease depression or keep the depression level the same with before, they can be done.

The method is easily incorporated into my thinking style but it is not a habit. The goal of making the challenge is to make it a habit. Changing thinking style is very different from skills like coding, drawing, reading paper. Then the rules will be different.

Rules

  1. I will try to use it when I make decision on the project level.
  2. I will track my progress here and push to GitHub.
  3. Whether I use it or not, I must record here.

Milestones

  1. 1 Day 1 (2017-12-12 Tuesday)
  2. 7 Days (2018-01-04 Thursday)
  3. 30 Days
  4. 60 Days
  5. 90 Days
  6. 100 Days

Template for Log

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### Day :

**Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:**

* Morning
* Afternoon
* Evening

<hr>

Log

Day 1: 2017-12-12 Tuesday

  • Afternoon

    • open mailbox
    • deal with letters
    • activate 2 cards
    • pay utility bill
    • write today’s CBT session notes
  • Evening

    • bath
    • face scrub
    • face mask

Day 2: 2017-12-13 Wednesday

  • Morning

    • have lunch
  • Afternoon

    • work web development project for only one hour
  • Evening

    • recite Japanese words on Anki

Day 3: 2017-12-14 Thursday

  • Morning

    • study web develpmenent tutorials for only one hour

Day 4: 2018-01-01 Monday

I resumed recording anti-depressant behavior activation for depression. Though the method is close to my thinking style, I do not use it automatically so far. I want to develope this skill.

  • Morning:

    • When I lay on the bed this morning, getting up became a difficult thing. I told myself I would regret.
  • Afternoon:

    • I did not use the anti-depressant behavior activation as a rule to do things. I did recall my action of lying on the bed and thought about the it.
  • Evening:

    • The same with afternoon.
    • Now it is 9 p.m.. I want to relax and told myself I would increase depression tomorrow if I did it.

Day 5: 2018-01-02 Tuesday

  • Rewrote the post to fit 100 Days of Chanllenge style.

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning

    • The same with yesterday. The temperature was cold and I did not want to get up. Even if I used the method, the anti-dpressant behavior activation does not help.

      I used the remote to open my small heater. I got up even if I knew it was still cold outside and the heater would not warm the whole room.

  • Afternoon
    • Around 3:40 p.m., I felt anxious and wanted to open music as a background noise. I told myself it would increase depression if I did that. Then I opened the Markdown file of the challenge and started writing introduction, rules, and goals, and formatting the challenge.
  • Evening
    • Bath
    • Mask

Day 6: 2018-01-03 Wednesday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning

    • I haven’t been to the office for two weeks.

      If I do not go to the office, it will increase depression

      If I go to the office, not doing data analysis will increase depression.

      The conclusion: whether I go to the office or not will increase depression 😢

      Outcome: I chose a different walking path to the office. Depression hit me several times during walking. Because the roads are not clean or organized.

      I did one-hour data analysis. My emotion is ok. Working long hours will increase depression.

  • Afternoon

    • I brought KitKat to the office. If I eat KitKat as lunch, depression will increase.
  • Evening
    • I did not use the technique. All activities at night have been done for several days. I can activate them without much willpower.

Day 7: 2018-01-04 Thursday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning:

    • The therapist’s assistant left a voice mail to me at 8 a.m. and cancelled the today’s session. I did not listen to it until the subway started. The chain on the left boot was broken. I decided to return home and go to Macy’s to buy one pair.

      After one hour, I felt depression and wanted to go home. But there was one mall left. I asked myself whether I felt bad about myself if I skipped the mall. The answer was yes. Even if I did not feel happy, I pushed myself to do it.

  • Afternoon

    • Depression remained in the afternoon. I was working on freecodecamp 100 days challenge of coding accompanied by depression. Occasionally I asked my roommates which graph she like. It improved my mood.
  • Evening

    • I used the whole night to read Hugo tutorials and started to make a Hugo theme.

      I did not finish some 100-day challenges and had mixed feeling. On the one hand, solving one of the most concerned technology problems I have recently gave me joy. On the other hand, not doing 100-day challenges increased the stress level.


Day 8: 2018-01-05 Friday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning

    • Lying in bed.
    • I decided to make a website about projects for beginners even if I know that not doing 100-day challenges would increase the stress level.

      But if I proposponed making the website, the stress level would increased, too.

      I cannot forget the ideas.

      There is no solution for the situation.

  • Afternoon

    • I thought of Behavioral Activation for Depression, but no decision was decided based on it.
  • Evening

    • I thought about it intensely when I bathed. I have several things that I am reluctant to do. If I do not do them, then depression ≥will increase.

      If I order the tasks on to-do lists from the least resistance to the highest resistance, then I do it in reverse order. Will it a good method to solve the situation?


Day 9: 2018-01-06 Saturday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • Lying in bed to use iPad to search online. Even if I regret, the ideas/contents I searched online remain in my mind if I did not do that.
  • Afternoon

    • I started to implement ideas from yesterday’s night.

      I listed todos from I want to do most to least willing to do.

      Then the items were reversed by order.

      I started to do from the top.

      I procrastinated to start doing until 5 p.m.. If I start from the items I enjoy most, I will start around noon.

      After doing them, I enjoyed the process and worried about the slow progress.

  • Evening

    • I am happy I made small toy examples.

      When considering there are more things needed to be done, I stressed out.

      Behavioral Activation for Depression does not help in the situation.


Day 10: 2018-01-07 Sunday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • I searched some stuff lying in bed.
  • Afternoon
    • I did not use the method.
  • Evening
    • I pushed myself to do challenge.

Day 11: 2018-01-08 Monday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • It happens.
  • Afternoon
    • It does not happen.
  • Evening

    • I planned to write codes for one hour. But I overdid it and spent 3 hours. I went to sleep after 3 a.m..

      I should not continue to do it even if the projects gave me fulfillment at that time.

      福祸相依. Blessings and misfortunes are next-door neighbors.


Day 12: 2018-01-09 Tuesday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • regret and stress
  • Afternoon
    • I did the projects in my mind. But I still feel stressful.
  • Evening
    • I pushed myself to be on track of doing challenges. Otherwise I will feel bad tomorrow.
    • I spent several minutes on watching music. Even if I enjoyed the process, I regretted.

Day 13: 2018-01-10 Wednesday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning

    • Getting up

      Thinking “if I do not get up, it will increase depression” does not help me get up but increase stress. If I think the most next action of getting up, it works.

  • Afternoon

    • I did not use the technique but wrote the notes for the morning
  • Evening

    • I planned to make a project related 100 days of challenge. I did not feel good about it. Every time I thought of it, the stress increased.

      I finally decided to give up. This is an extremely good decision.


Day 14: 2018-01-11 Thursday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • Yeserday I was too excited to get Grow with Google Challenge scholarship. I slept more than usual.
  • Afternoon

    • My roommate helps me made the decision.

      I do not like to be judged based on how active I am in the forum. But it is the onlhy way to get Google round 2 scholarship.

      If I push myself to reply at least 5 posts everyday, it will increase my stress and depression level every day.

      It is hard to give up, but I did it.

  • Evening

    • Record

Day 15: 2018-01-12 Friday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • get up
  • Afternoon

    • Made decision I worked on Udacity tutorial for only one hour.

      I use willpower to convince myself that I should not compare with other students. Some students start to do the 11th section, almost end of the Udacity course. Their fast progress give me a lot of pressure.

      I won’t be happy if I spend the whole day to learn one tutorial.

    • makeup

      I did not want to do makeup. I used the method to push me to do it.

  • Evening

    • I overdid programming for R package. I planned one hour. It’s over two hours. The method stopped me.

Day 16: 2018-01-13 Saturday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • I did not wake up until 11 a.m.. There is no morning
  • Afternoon
    • Even though I knew that grocery shopping would disrupt the rhythm of my life, I had to do it because soical interaction took time.
  • Evening
    • I started 100-day challenge around 10 p.m.. I forgave myself for being late and just began to do it.

Day 17: 2018-01-14 Sunday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • nothing
  • Afternoon
    • I did not need this technique to start working on 100-day challenge. But thanks for it to help me at the beginning.
  • Evening
    • I regretted watching Zhihu and musci MV, and ate chocolates.

Day 18: 2018-01-15 Monday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • nothing
  • Afternoon
    • Just do it.
  • Evening

    • Crashed because of pressure.

      I do not feel happy even if I finished the course provided by Grow with Google Challenge Scholarship.


Day 19: 2018-01-16 Tuesday

Time, Events, Thoughts and Emotions:

  • Morning
    • Did data analysis until 4 a.m.
  • Afternoon
    • If there is no timer to work for one hour per subject. Recalling the past made me feel I was wasting time at that time.
  • Evening

    • I noticed my doing things slow because I am absorbed in my mind. I did not use the technique but started doing one of the challenges. I wanted me to do more because I will decrease the pressure when I recall today’s life.

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